OMFG It's a Crazy Therapist!
by Apple Snapple
Summary: Who knew therapists could be this crazy? Sequelish to Cacti Shurikens.
1. Mukahi

**Another one of my completely random and pointless fics. XD**

* * *

"NOOOOOO!!" Mukahi screamed. "Don't take me away!" 

"Dude, it's just a therapist meeting. Get over it," Shishido said, helping Oshitari drag him to the therapist's office.

"I don't want to go in there! It's scary!"

Shishido gave him an odd look. "Who are you, Jirou reincarnated?"

"Gakuto, every student is required to go to a therapist meeting at least once in order to graduate," Oshitari stated.

"That's bullshit!" Mukahi spat out. "I don't want to go in! Help meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

After a few kicks and shoves they finally managed to get Mukahi inside the therapist's office.

"Gakuto, don't worry. It's just for an hour," Oshitari assured. "You'll be fine."

"I hate you all!" Mukahi screamed. "I hope you all get raped by Sanada, crushed by a car and then eaten by a rabid sheep!"

"..." And thus, Mukahi was left alone with the freaky looking therapist.

"Good morning." The freaky looking therapist smiled. "My name is Dr. Wakashi."

"Eh? Are you by any chance related to-"

"No!" she screamed out, throwing her rubix cube at him, but missing. "I am not related to Wakashi Hiyoshi, nor will I ever be related to him!"

Mukahi cringed back, eyeing the rubix cube on the floor.

The therapist smiled again and sat back down. "Now then, let's get on with our session. Is there something that's been bothering you lately?"

"Well...um...yeah." Mukahi nervously looked around the room. He took note at the ancient looking map and the pile of empty pizza boxes scattered around her desk.

"Oh really?" Dr. Wakashi smiled an evil looking smile. "Will you tell me about it?"

"Uh...Atobe's being a total bitch, Yuushi's being mean, and Jirou keeps on bothering me about his stupid teddy bear that he lost a day ago."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"...Pissed."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"Um, angry...and frustrated."

"I see. And how do you feel about that?"

Mukahi stared at the crazy looking therapist. "I just told you what I felt! Stop asking me that!"

"And how do you feel about that?"

"...Green tea ice cream."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"This is freaking BS!" Mukahi shouted. "Stop asking me that stupid question!"

"And how do you feel about that?"

"Argh!"

* * *

Shishido and Oshitari came back to Dr. Wakashi's office. "Hello?" Shishido called out. "We're here to pick up our classmate." 

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Mukahi tackled Oshitari and started shaking him. "Yuushi! I hate you! Because of you I'm going to be mentally scarred for life and then I'll jump off a cliff! ALL BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE YOU JUST HAD TO FORCE ME TO TALK TO THE CRAZY THERAPIST IN THERE!"

"Whoa..." Shishido breathed. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"DO I FREAKING LOOK OKAY TO YOU?!"

"Gakuto, calm down." Oshitari fiddled with his glasses. "It couldn't have been that bad."

The therapist appeared at the doorway. "And how do you feel about that?"

"I've answered that question a billion times! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"And how do you feel about that?"

"AGHHHH!!"

"Okay...maybe it really was that bad," Shishido considered. "Jeez, she talks like a freaking robot.

"AGHHHH!!" Mukahi ran out, waving his arms wildly in the air. "HELP ME!!!!!"

"..."

* * *

Wakashi Fumihiro stared at the book in her hands. "Dammit! This was supposed to help me!" 

The book's name?

How to Become a Therapist for Dummies and Idiots.

* * *

**Wakashi Fumihiro is an OC that I made up in one of my other oneshots, Cacti Shurikens. Crazy girl...-shakes head-**


	2. Shinji

**Lawls...**

* * *

"And how do you feel about that?" Dr. Wakashi asked. 

Shinji had a bored look on his face. "Well, since Kamio didn't come to practice yesterday, or today, I should be feeling worried. Not that I'm not worried, but I feel a bit sad too. I don't know if it's because I didn't drink enough coffee yesterday. But that couldn't be the issue because I don't believe that caffeine gives people energy. Then again, that doesn't make any sense because I've never drank coffee before in my entire life. I wonder why coffee is so popular. Is it because people who drink coffee feel more important or mature? Or do they just like the taste of it?" Shinji went on for quite a while.

Dr. Wakashi yawned. Seriously, how long could this person rant?

When Shinji finally stopped she asked, "And how do you feel about that?"

"Well..." And Shinji went into another bout of ranting. "...you see, I really don't know what to make of it. Maybe I'm just some weird freak of nature or something. That's what half the people at this school tell me anyways, but it doesn't make any sense. I am worried, but I'm also sad. I don't know, maybe I just ate some bad lima beans for breakfast. Then again, I don't know any other person who eats lima beans in the morning. Maybe that's the problem, I shouldn't be eating lima beans in the morning. But does that really account for how weird I am, or how I'm feeling?"

Dr. Wakashi winced when Shinji stopped. She was really reluctant now to continue, but she did anyway. "And how do you feel about that?" she asked for the third time.

"Well..." And Shinji started ranting again.

Dr. Wakashi twitched. "That's it!" she screamed out. "Get the hell out of my office!"

"But-"

"Get out! Get out, I say, or I'll tie you up and feed you to the penguins that live in Alaska!"

"I thought penguins lived in Antarctica. I mean-"

"GET OUT!"

"..."

* * *

"This school is crazy..." Wakashi Fumihiro stated dully. "Stupid Fudomine."

* * *

**Yes, extremely short. XD**


	3. Kirihara

* * *

"So has something been bothering you lately?" Dr. Wakashi asked, smiling. This time she had a notebook with her, so it would _look_ like she was paying attention. "Don't worry, you can tell me anything."

Kirihara was fiddling with his crayon-shaped stuffed plushie. "Well, it's about Mura-buchou."

"Yes?" Dr. Wakashi prompted.

"Are you sure you want to hear it?" Kirihara asked suspiciously. "Are you sure you're not some random, creepy stalker who's out to steal Mura-buchou from me?"

"Of course not!" she lied. "Why would you think that?"

Kirihara shruffed. "I don't know-Anyways, I'm upset because Mura-buchou didn't talk to me."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. He was just talking with Sanada-fukubuchou and Niou and Yanagi-senpai. He didn't even look at me!"

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I feel really upset! And sad."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"...I feel stuffy and depressed."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I want a cookie."

"Great. And how do you feel about that?"

"Eh?" Kirihara had a confused look on his face. "What do you mean?"

"How do you feel about that?"

Kirihara hugged his crayon shaped stuffed plushie closer. "Are you sure you're not some random, creepy stalker?"

"..."

"OMG! Niou-senpai _was_ right! You are a creepy, rabid stalker!"

"..."

"You're going to chain me to a wall and then steal my crayon plushie! Then you're going to whack me with a spiky notebook and then force me to drink salt water until I choke! Then you're going to scream into my ears until I go deaf, and then you're going to burn me to a crisp!"

"..." Really, who was this "Niou-senpai"? He seemed like a guy who created lots and lots of chaos. "Um...no, I'm not a creepy, rabid stalker."

"Mura-buchou!" Kirihara cried out. "HELP ME!!!"

"Eh?" Yukimura suddenly popped into the room. No one knows how. He just did. "Something happen?"

"Mura-buchou!!!" Kirihara ran over to him.

"Wait, how did you get in here?" Dr. Wakashi demanded.

"Through the front door," Yukimura said, smiling his "I-so-didn't-use-the-front-door" smile.

"Um...okay."

"And I know for a fact that you're that Hyoutei fangirl named Wakashi Fumihiro who got hit by cacti shurikens from Fuji."

Dr. Wakashi gasped her "OMFG" gasp. "How did you know?"

"Inui and Yanagi do share data with each other, you know," Yukimura said, now smiling his "oh-you're-so-freaking-screwed" smile.

She gasped overdramatically and dropped her notebook. "Damn that four-eyes guy!"

"Oooooh!" Kirihara pointed at her. "You said a bad word!"

"You shut up!" she screamed. "You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at the bus stop, she got fined for littering!"

"Oh, you so did NOT just say that!" Kirihara said, his eyes glowing red.

"Ahhhh!" she screamed.

And thus, Wakashi Fumihiro ran away from her job as a therapist.


End file.
